by James Logue

News Editor

I am one of those people who would forget his head if it were not connected by a network of blood vessels, muscles and my spinal column. Most days, I forget what I had for breakfast.

This past weekend was a prime example of my forgetfulness.

I attended the West Virginia Press Association banquet at Oglebay Park in Wheeling.

As I was getting ready for the cocktail hour, I discovered that I had brought my sport coat, but had forgotten my shirt, slacks and tie.

I briefly thought of wearing my polo shirt and shorts with my sport coat, but Managing Editor John Miller likely would have sent me back to my room.

I tried not to panic.

After a few minutes of wailing and beating my head against the knotty pine paneling, I drove 12 miles into Ohio to the nearest mall. I found a tie, slacks and a shirt and was soon back on I-70 toward Wheeling. When I got to my room, I realized that my shirt collar was two sizes too small. I wouldn't be able to wear my tie.

I looked OK, all things considered, but I kicked myself because very seldom do I wear a tie these days. It was a swell tie, too. I'm glad paisley is making a comeback.

At the cocktail hour, I simply told everyone I forgot my tie.

I had about a dozen people offer to loan me a tie, but I was too embarrassed to tell them that I would cut off the blood flow if I were forced to button my top button.

I've thought of buying some self-help books on improving my memory, but having to go to the counter and pay for something like that is just as embarrassing as buying some very personal hygiene product.

I've often wondered if those herbal remedies might help.

But then I hesitate when I look at the names of some of those things. What is glucosamine? What's a condroitin?

A condroitin sounds like a football injury:

"Well, Pat, we're hearing from the locker room that Stankowski suffered a torn condroitin and won't be back."

"Boy, that's gotta hurt."

"Looking at the replay, you can see where the lineman's helmet hits Stankowski right in the condroitin."

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

I'm not exactly sure that anything can be done to cure my forgetfulness.

I don't know if a little pill or mental exercises would help.

Maybe I'd be better off if I did forget my head every now and then.

At least I'd save money on hair gel.

News Editor James Logue can be reached at 626 ... uh ... 626 ... wait; don't tell me ... I have it written down somewhere ... 626-1031! (Or is that Domino's Pizza?)