by Pam Marra
If it's true that no two people are alike, how come everybody seems to wear the same shoe size? Or at least my shoe size? And my dress size. And ring size. And so on and so on.
Seriously. Anytime I go to buy something, there are tons and tons of the item crowding the shelves in every size but mine.
Take shoes, for instance.
There's plenty in size 5, 6, 8 and 9. Even 10 and 11.
But no sevens. None.
Ditto, any clothes in a medium.
I'm starting to think the entire world is divided into two sizes: large and small.
"Hey, Betty. This lady wants to know if we have that Jaclyn Smith blouse in a medium! Aha, ha, ha. Can you believe that? What planet is she from? Aha, ha, ha!!!"
I've noticed this situation before, but it seems to be getting worse.
Last week, I was looking for a simple pair of black heels. Plain, unassuming, normal black heels.
In size 7.
Well, of course there were the obligatory fives, sixes, eights and above. Plenty of them.
But in some kind of bizarre joke being played on me by the shoe gods, there were also racks and racks of sevens, too.
Unfortunately, they were brown, red, navy and some kind of pukey green color.
I could almost hear them laughing from above. "Ha! Gotcha!"
No black sevens. Not a one. Not even one that might have accidentally gotten mixed in with the sixes and eights. Or even a mismatched pair with one seven and one six. (Hey, I've been known to squeeze my foot into a smaller size if the situation warranted it. Or if the shoe guy was cute.)
But I just don't understand how this keeps happening. Is every person in every place in every corner of the world in desperate need of a size seven black high heel at that very point in time?
The weirdness isn't just limited to wearing apparel, either.
It's even filtered down to my cat.
Now, granted, Gracie's a little quirky (i.e., spoiled). She changes her tastes almost daily. But when she gets on a Whiskas Tuna tear, that's the only flavor the store is out of. Is every cat on Earth hankering for tuna on that particular day? Is there a fire sale going on that I didn't know about? What? What?
I thought that maybe it was just a fluke. But then two days later, she wanted the Mixed Grill. I run to the store in the middle of a storm and guess what? No Mixed Grill.
But there's plenty of Tuna. As a matter of fact, somebody has put the overflow of Tuna into an empty Mixed Grill box. Just to try and trick me, I'm sure.
This kind of stuff is beginning to bother me. I'm really starting to get scared. It's like I'm in some kind of creepy movie where some psycho has delved into the inter sanctum of my brain and knows exactly what I'm going to do before I do it and then tries to thwart my move by hiding everything I'm looking for.
But, then again, it could be that I'm just incredibly average and wear the same size as everybody else does.
Okay. I can live with that.
But how do you explain my cat?